I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize