fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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