it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
