Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
