its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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