I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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