Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
