Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
