Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
