please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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