DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
