it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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