it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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