I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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