I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
