what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
