I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
