tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
