I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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