i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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