last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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