Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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