end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
