She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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