My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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