please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
