Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
PANTIES FOUND
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
