you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
