We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
