I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
