The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
