I love black thongs
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
