I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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