Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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