I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
