Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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