She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
