I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
