Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
from now on my penis is your penis
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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