I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
