after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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