At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize