why didn't you poke me back
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
