One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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