it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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