I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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