She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
