Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
