So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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