she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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