I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
