Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
