I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
