There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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