I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
