KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
