Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
