Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
