in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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