You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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