sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize