So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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