Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize