I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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