a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
