Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
